Description of the Document
- This document and all rules and regulations herein are the constitution of the society known as the Pembroke College Martin and Owen Society.
Description of The Society
- The name of the Society shall be the Pembroke College Martin and Owen Society and not the International Twiglet Exchange Society, hereinafter referred to as `the Society’.
- The aim of the Society shall be to meet in Pointless and General Meetings in order to preserve and disseminate the works of Owen Barritt and Martin Seaton, such meetings to be hereinafter referred to as `Meetings’.
- This Constitution shall have exactly 100 clauses no more and no less.
- Any object, animate or inanimate may apply for membership from either of the most honorary, foundering and worshipped members, subject to extreme ratification (with an randnog) with a giant inflatable Christmas tree.
- Application for membership not covered in clause V may be considered if supported by custard, and shall be ratified in even more extreme circumstances than in clause V.
- Membership is awarded for Pi/3 years and is contingent upon payment of a something levy, the exact amount of which shall never be revealed.
- Membership may not be revoked prematurely (unless Owen Barritt or Martin Seaton decide otherwise) but rustication is allowed but we won’t tell you how.
- Honorary membership may be awarded by Owen Barritt or Martin Seaton at any meeting except those of the society, no levy is to be taken from honorary members. A person thus awarded honorary membership shall have their name emblazoned in all it’s glory in Varsity, or other suitable form of publication.
- Members shall be required to fill up the honorary members inbox with cake.
Honorary, Foundering and Worshipped Members
- Martin Seaton and Owen Barritt shall be the most honorary, foundering and worshipped members of the society.
- Meetings may only be opened in the presence of at least three particles of air of whom one must be oxygen.
- This clause is omitted.
- Pointless meetings shall be held as often as possible. A meeting shall be deemed quorate in the presence of a quarom.
- Meetings shall be held indoors unless they are held outdoors. If neither is possible other provisions may be made.
- The location of a meeting shall be decided at the meeting after and promptly forgotten.
Annual General Meeting
- An Annual General Meeting shall be held annually and generally it shall be a meeting.
- The Annual General Meeting shall be held during a part IA maths tripos exam, for the purposes of elections, and other such requirements as may arise.
- The Annual General Meeting shall not be recognised.
Extraordinary General Meetings
- An Extraordinary General Meeting shall be called in the event of a nuclear meltdown, and shall be subject to the same rules and capacities of the Annual General Meeting.
Officers of the Society
- There shall be an officer called the President, who shall not be a member of the society and shall be elected in renewable terms of approximately the half life of uranium.
- The duties of the President shall be to provide general guidance for the guides, general scoutance for the scouts and to carry out the garbage from every meeting.
- The United Kingdom shall have a Prime Minister, who shall be a member of the society and shall be elected in renewable terms of approximately one year in general meetings.
- The duties of the Prime Minister shall be to wear a pink fluffy rabbit suit at all times in the houses of Parliament.
- The Prime Minister shall be the Presidents deputy.
- There shall not be an officer called the Secretary.
- There shall be an officer called the Treasurer, who shall be a member but shall not be elected by any means possible.
- The treasurer shall be appointed by a process of elimination in the game of reverse tidily winks.
- The duties of the treasurer shall not involve any financial business what so ever. The treasurer shall be required to be under the age of two and a half at all times.
The Under Secretary
- There shall be an officer called the Under Secretary, who shall be under the Secretary.
- The duties of the Under Secretary shall be to be under the Secretary.
- The Under Secretary shall be the Secretary’s deputy.
The Foreign Secretary
- There shall be an officer called the Foreign Secretary, who shall be required to have three legs and be called Norman but only on a Thursday.
- The duties of the Foreign Secretary are specifically to facilitate liaison with strange shaped lumps of rock.
- The Foreign Secretary shall be the Under Secretary’s deputy.
- There shall be an officer called The Martin which shall be held by Owen Barritt.
- There shall be an officer called The Owen which shall be held by Martin Seaton.
The Martin and The Owen
- The Martin and The Owen shall be supreme chancellors of the society, all of their decisions are final, whether or not they comply with this constitution.
The Robin Christopher
- There shall be a position for the Robin Christopher, who shall be an officer of The Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society.
- The duties of the Robin Christopher shall be to facilitate liaison with The Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society.
- The committee shall be on no account committed, and shall be composed in three movements of the Officers named in XXI, XXIII, XXVI, XXVII, XXX, XXXIII, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXIX.
- The committee shall hold the right of majority veto, which may not be exercised but must be transported about in a wheelbarrow.
- Wooden posts shall be posts made of wood.
Other Society Posts
The Minister of Things
- There may be, if a candidate presents themselves in a presentation of not less than 5 minutes an officer called The Minister of Things who shall not be a member of the committee and may be forced into or out of office at any time.
- The duties of The Minister of Things shall be to be inside the staircase.
- Temporary posts shall be permanent and may be created or destroyed but shall never change from form to from.
- Such temporary posts shall be appointed by The Owen or The Martin of the society.
To Be Continued....